Close to Perfection
by Jillian1
Summary: COMPLETE! It’s always said that partners could be split up for “fraternization;” what if it happened to Scully and Mulder? How would this change their romantic relationship? How would it damage their work on the X-Files?
1. Chapter One

TITLE: Close to Perfection

AUTHOR: Jillian

RATING: PG-13 for adult themes, and language. There's a couple of appearances by our friend, the f-word. It's not like you haven't heard it before.

SPOILERS: Millennium, and anything before that is fair game.

TIMEFRAME: Season seven, after Millennium.

SUMMARY: It's always said that partners could be split up for "fraternization;" what if it happened to Scully and Mulder? How would this change their romantic relationship? How would it damage their work on the X-Files? 

THANKS: To Tefla for her beta work. Any remaining mistakes are of course my own. To Agent Balinski, who I thank for every story I write. She's the one who's nagging me to write anything. 

NOTES: Expect plenty from me, guys, because I'm grounded until school starts. ;-) And, :shameless plug: the story of how I got punished, is over at fictionpress.com, and is called "Twenty-Eight Days." Go read it and review it if you're bored. 

Anyway, enjoy the story.

* * * * * *

  
It all started simply enough.  
  
It was a short time after Mulder got well from his abnormal brain activity. Diana Fowley was dead, we had the X-Files back, and all was relatively well. It was New Years Eve when he lit the spark that set off the explosion.   
  
We kissed. The ball dropped, the crowd cheered, the year changed, and our lips met. It was beautiful, absolutely perfect. Our first real kiss. I still replay the scene in my mind sometimes. "The world didn't end," he said. "No, it didn't." We walked off together, never looking back.  
  
Rather than looking back, let's look ahead. That night, I drove him home. He offered me to come in for some champagne, and I gladly obliged. We sat, sipping the cool liquid from the glasses, just talking. The kiss came up, and one thing led to another... Before I knew it, we had spilled our hearts to one another, both of us knowing it wasn't the champagne talking.  
  
I woke up New Years Day in Mulder's arms. Well, arm, I guess, he'd hurt one on the case... Things from there progressed into the most wonderful relationship I ever found myself in. Of course, I was in that relationship for about seven years; we were just being very well behaved. It was absolutely beautiful, we were in love, we worked together and were best friends.  
  
What could go wrong? Just about everything, we knew. So we laid down the rules. We kept romance out of the office. That was the most important one. At the FBI, fraternization between partners is looked down upon, and is grounds for splitting them up. We didn't want to lose one another or the X-Files, so we had decided to keep things quiet.  
  
Naturally, nobody is perfect. Little things would slip here and there. A flirtatious e-mail sent across the room to lighten up the boredom of paperwork; a squeeze of his hand in the hallway once in a while. One time, the elevator broke, and we were walking up the stairwell... He had said something particularly sweet or romantic, I don't even remember now. I smiled at him, and placed a tiny kiss on his lips. Honestly, it was nothing much. A quick, chaste kiss. I was sure nobody had seen us...  
  
But then again, here at the Hoover Building, there are eyes in the walls.  


* * * * * * *

I exhaled, and watched the smoke rise in front of me. I flicked the ash off of the end of my cigarette into the ash tray on my desk. I remember thinking that I was getting too old for this. That my time was running out, and the end was drawing nearer. Fox Mulder had eluded everything I had thrown at him. Everything. No matter what we took from him, or what disease we inflicted upon him or his closest associates, he was still fighting. Still searching.  
  
I had an idea concerning this a week or so before. Maybe we needed to take away that partner of his, Dana Scully. After all, she wasn't fulfilling her intended purpose. I had thought we'd found the most scientific person we could, but she was swaying in Mulder's favor. It was not a question of science, but of integrity. I admire Dana Scully, as I do Fox Mulder. They're unwilling to lie (except occasionally for one another) to get to the top.   
  
That kind of integrity, however admirable, makes them an enemy of mine.  
  
So I decided maybe splitting them up would slow Mulder's quest down. Surely he cared deeply about Dana. I'd been assuming they would eventually become lovers for years now. Believe it or not, there is a softer side to me. I know he loves her, and I know she loves him. I know that one day, they just may have the happiness I never was able to possess.  
  
But not now. No, too many things are going on now. Too many plans have been thwarted. I'm growing too old. I have to make sure that Fox Mulder, however admirable I may find his character, does *not* stop colonization. So I have to slow him down. I have to try and take something else away.   
  
Then, I could put an appropriate partner in place. Someone who would not become a believer. Someone set on their career, not on honesty and integrity. The person we hoped Dana Scully would have been. Yes, that was what we needed. If we couldn't get Fox off of the X-Files, (the chance of that was slim, I knew, considering the options the two would be faced with) we would have to put someone who really *would* debunk his work on board with him.  
  
As usual, I had all the appropriate means of surveillance in place. We watched Fox and Dana throughout the Hoover Building. We listened to their phone calls, we read their e-mails... We had basically everything covered. We were waiting for something incriminating.   
  
I had some of the men working for me always overlook the security tapes at the Hoover Building. We had a mole on the inside who delivered them to us. Specific ones; the cameras around the basement, their office, the elevator, and the stairwell. They also read all of their e-mail.  
  
I don't think these agents know how important they are. Surely they'd find it unimaginable that I had a room full of men working on keeping them under tabs, but it was the truth. They had journeyed too far; gotten too close. We had to slow them down before it was too late. The world couldn't know of the terrible truths that awaited them.  
  
So you can imagine my happiness when one of the younger men working for me called for my attention.  
"Sir," he had said, "we've got something you may find useful."  
  
He showed me an interesting clip from the camera in the stairwell. The two agents joined hands and shared a gentle kiss on the lips. It was what we needed. There were people in the Bureau who wanted to see Mulder and Scully gone, and this would help them accomplish that. I knew I could use these men as pawns, having the agents believe it was strictly a Bureau matter.   
  
"Thank you," I had replied, "it'll be most useful." I took the tape from him.  
  
  
This served my purposes perfectly. I would take it to the man in the Bureau who I knew wanted them out, and that would be that. He was an AD, but he was looking at moving on up to DD. The Director had a liking for him; he was hardworking, practical, and traditional. He hated the methods of Fox Mulder: the lying, the random travel, the strange and unusual cases he chose to follow. All of it went against his character. He was the kind of man who did exactly as told to get to the top. It was as if he lived life through a textbook, the exact opposite of Fox.  
  
I sat in the assistant directors office, blowing some smoke into the air. I always reveled in the fact that I could smoke in these government buildings. I was above the law, and I knew it. There is a great sense of power that accompanies a simple act like smoking a cigarette where one is not allowed to. Then again, there was a great sense of power in many of the things I had done in my life. Whether it was holding a life in my hands, or lighting up in the Hoover Building, it was power all the same.  
  
"Assistant Director Kersh, I understand that you have had a problem with a certain pair of agents in the past. Fox Mulder, and Dana Scully?" I asked.  


"Yes, but those agents are no longer under my jurisdiction. They're under AD Skinner--"

"But," I added in, "there's a lot of talk going around about you. Talk pertaining to you becoming a Deputy Director. You have heard that talk, haven't you?"

"Yes. Yes, I have," he answered.

"And that, Assistant Director, would put them under your jurisdiction. Do you really want these agents racking up bills for the Bureau with their random flights out to investigate cases that turn up nothing?"

"No, I don't. Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I can help you," I said, exhaling smoke.

"How?"

"Agents Mulder and Scully are romantically involved, something I'm sure you know is looked down upon between partners. It could cloud their judgment, and is grounds for splitting them up. I know that when separate, even if one of them is on the unit, the work will slow down. You could assign someone to work with the remaining agent to bring down the crusade Fox Mulder has wasted precious time and money on."

"You have proof of this?" he asked.

"Yes. Here," I said, handing it to him. 

He looked over the still-frame photo we'd taken from the video tape. 

"Surely I can't show them this, they'd know someone was surveilling them," he said.

"I know. What you will do is say you witnessed this kiss in the stairwell, and then retreated. If and when they deny it, we will threaten to check the Bureau security tapes. Once they hear about the kiss, I'm sure they will admit their fraternization."

"I can't go to them on this, it's not my place--"

"I'm aware of that," I interjected, "and I suggest you take the news to AD Skinner. Tell him you're prepared to testify against them in an OPR investigation unless they split up. The Director has a liking for you, Alvin, he'd believe your testimony of the agents, or Skinner for that matter. This is a simple way to eliminate a problem. I'm giving you the damning evidence," I said, handing him the surveillance tape, "don't let it sit and collect dust."

I stood up and went to exit the room.

"Why would you help me?" he asked.

"No good deed is selfless, Assistant Director. They are a greater annoyance to me than they are to you."

  
With that, I walked away.  



	2. Chapter Two

****

DISCLAIMER: Forgot this is chapter one. I don't own Mulder, Scully, the X-Files, Skinner, Kersh, CSM, or anyone else you've ever seen on the show. ;-) They belong to Chris Carter, 1013, FOX, and the actors and actresses who portray them. If those people are going to sue me, I say go for it! Maybe I'd get to meet some of em, and I'd probably make the news. It'd brighten up my dull life, really. Even if they won, I don't have many nice things to lose. ;-)

* * * * * * 

I still remember the way the late afternoon sun came in through the tiny basement window. Mulder and I were completing some expense reports when the office phone rang. Correction, I was doing the expense reports, he was chucking pencils at the ceiling. It was almost better off that way, since although he was an Oxford educated, extremely intelligent man, my partner was absolutely terrible with paperwork. I always ended up redoing his anyway. I reached for the phone tiredly, and answered with a standard "Scully."  


"Agent Scully, this is Kimberley. AD Skinner wants to see you and Agent Mulder right away," said the voice on the other end.

"Hm, okay. Any idea why?" I asked curiously. Kimberley had always been nice to me, and one of the very few who hadn't passed judgment on Mulder and I.

"Nope, sorry Agent Scully. Seems urgent, though, he wanted you up here now."

"Okay," I replied, "we'll be right there."

I hung up and looked to Mulder.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"Kimberley. Skinner wants to see us. Now."

"What did we do now?" he sighed.

I smiled at him weakly, and we headed for the elevator.

  
That was one of the few time Kimberley ushered us straight into his office, without a wait. She closed the door behind us, and we sat down in the chairs we seemed to be in all too often. Skinner, to my surprise, did not look angry. Rather, he looked worried. After sitting in front of this man's desk for years, I could tell the difference. I had a bad feeling about this right away. I glanced at Mulder, who seemed to be reading the situation the same way I had.  
  
"Agents," Skinner began, "AD Kersh just had a word with me, demanding I speak to you."

"What about, Sir?" I asked.

"As both of you know," he said, pausing. He was having a hard time getting this out. "Fraternization between partners is frowned upon, and often grounds for breaking partners up."

"Sure, Sir, but what does that have to do with us?" Mulder asked, feigning ignorance.

"Kersh says you're romantically involved--"

"How would *he* know?" I found myself asking, angrily.

"It doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter if you *are*, really. Agents, I like you. You know that, but there are plenty of people around here who don't. Kersh says he saw you," another awkward pause, "kissing. In the stairwell on work hours."

"And he has proof?" Mulder asked.

"He said he'll get the security tape. Now, I could care less what you two do with each other--honestly. If this was something I stumbled upon, I would simply ignore it. You're a good team, romantically involved or not. To be honest, I think it's ridiculous we're even discussing this," he exhaled deeply. "But, Kersh doesn't. He believes this is hindering your work."

"Hindering our work? With all due respect, Sir, we have one of the highest solve rates in the Bureau. Maybe it ought to be that partners *have* to fraternize with each other--"

"Agent Mulder!" Skinner scolded. "The walls may have ears. Anything you say can be used as a confession."

"Well you can testify, Sir. Tell them that we're a good team, and our," I paused, searching for words, "romantic status, shouldn't matter."

"It would be my word against Kersh's," Skinner said.

"And? You know us better," I said.

"They'd use that against me. They'd make me out to be your protector. And Kersh's word is valued above mine. He's the Director's golden boy," Skinner sighed, "and on the fast track to Deputy Director. It's just a matter of the paperwork, they're saying now."

"So, we don't have a shot," I sighed.

"No, but you have options," Skinner said.

"What are they?" Mulder asked.

"Well, you can deny the claims. They'd bring you into an OPR investigation. They'd dig up everything they could on you--the videotape, and they'd go through your entire personal lives. Nothing is off limit to these people, agents. They'd go through whatever they could get their hands on. Your chances of winning against there are very slim." He regrouped his thoughts for a moment, and continued. "There is another option. You could allow yourselves to be split up. One of you could remain on the X-Files. If you risk the OPR investigation, there is good shot both of you will be removed from the X-Files, and split up anyway. If one of you voluntarily is transferred to a new unit, the one who remained of the X-Files would likely get a new partner. Neither of your records would be tarnished the way they would under an OPR investigation. I must say, Agents, I *strongly* urge you *not* to undergo an OPR investigation. These are powerful people. You'd never get out of there with the X-Files."  
  
Mulder and I said nothing.  
  
"I want you to know that I don't want to do this. Kersh called me, demanding I do my job. If I don't, we're all screwed. I like you two. In fact, if you are together, which is none of my business, I'm thrilled for you both. If I don't do this, Kersh will handle it exponentially harsher than I will. We'll all have a problem, then. I can't believe we're even having this conversation…"

"Can we, uh, have some time to think about it?" Mulder asked.

"Of course. I'll need an answer soon, agents, preferably tomorrow."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you," I said.

He nodded mutely.

"You can head home Agents, it's getting late."  
  
We silently stood up, slowly processing the information he had hit us with. God, how could this happen? One tiny kiss? We had been so damn careful! Kersh was there? My mind reeled, and underneath my cool exterior, I was panicking. This was not happening, I told myself over and over. Everything between us was so perfect. Now all of that was jeopardized: our work, our partnership, our friendship, our relationship...  
  
"Agents," Skinner said, before we reached the door. We turned to look at him. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," Mulder said. I nodded silently, and we walked out of the office.  
  
We walked down the hallway silently. Once we reached the elevator, our eyes finally met. I saw fear in his eyes, and knew that they mirrored my own. We *were* afraid: afraid we'd lose our work, our friendship, our partnership, and our newfound romance. Finally, I couldn't take the silence anymore.  


"We have to talk about this," I said.

"Not here, it's not safe," he said.

"Yeah. You think our places are?" I asked.

"Don't know. I'm going to call the Gunmen and have them sweep for bugs at both of our apartments. For now, we'll meet elsewhere. In Alexandria, there's a coffee shop around the block from me. It's a trendy place, I can't think of the name," he said.

"I know where it is. I'll meet you there, we have to take separate cars."

"Yeah," he said. As the elevator doors opened to the parking garage, he added, "We'll be okay."

"I hope so," I replied with a weak smile.  
  
I pulled up outside of the coffee shop. It was a big college hangout, but a lovely place. It was called The Muddy Cup, and the inside was rather large. I pulled up, and noticed that Mulder's car was already there. I shut my door forcibly, for the first time expressing the anger that was rising within me. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fucking fair.  
  
I walked in to see him sitting at one of the tables with two cups of coffee. I sat at the chair across from him. I sunk into the comfy chair, wishing I had the state of mind at the moment to sit back and enjoy a cup of coffee with my lover. He slid the large mug of coffee towards me. I sipped it silently. Light and sweet, just the way I like it. I loved that he knew these things. I didn't have time, however, to enjoy that.  
  
"What do you want to do?" he asked.

"I don't know," I faltered. "The OPR investigation is so risky, Mulder. I don't want to risk having both of us removed from the X-Files. It would end the work, and also damage our standing with the Bureau further than it's already been damaged."

"Well, then, I guess we have no choice. We'll have to split up."

"Yeah," I said, sadly.

"At least they can't split us up outside the office," he offered, gripping my hand across the table. "Now, as for who is going where..."

"I'll leave the X-Files, Mulder. I know it means a lot to you."

"Yeah, but so do you. Will you be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I replied. "I'll ask to be transferred to Quantico. I'll go back to teaching."

"Thank you, Scully. You have no idea how much this means to me, honestly."

I smiled weakly and said, "As long as we're together *somewhere,* Mulder, that's all that matters. At least one of us will be on the X-Files."

"And now we can kiss wherever the fuck we want, because we're not partners anymore," he added, his voice sarcastic.

"Damn, it sounds so final," I sighed.

"I know," he said. "I know."

"God, Mulder, it isn't fair," I said, vocalizing my earlier thoughts.

"Nothing ever is. I can't believe we got caught," he sighed.

"It shouldn't matter, Mulder. They're acting like our parents or something. Jesus, I feel like I'm sixteen again and being punished for making out in the backseat of a boys car."

He smiled a bit and said, "Ahab didn't go for that, did he?"

"No," I smiled. "And neither does Kersh."

"It's all just to slow down the X-Files, Scully, but I won't let that happen."

"We can't," I sighed.  
As we finished our coffee, Mulder's cell phone rang. It was the Gunmen, reporting back on their search for bugs. Apparently Langley said it was "negatory," so we could head back home. We got in our separate cars and agreed to meet at my apartment.   
  
We pulled up within seconds of each other, and walked inside. I hung up our jackets and opened the fridge, looking for something to make for dinner. Finding nothing, we agreed to order a pizza. Half pepperoni, half mushrooms. The usual; but nothing was usual. Things had changed. We weren't partners. How was I going to get used to that? How could I fall out of my routine of wandering down to those basement offices like I used to?  
  
After dinner, we lounged on the couch together. We had said nothing about our current situation since we left the coffee shop. My head was swarming with emotions: anger, grief, guilt, sadness, fear, love, hate... I didn't want to think anymore. I grabbed the remote and clicked the television off. I turned to Mulder, whom I was basically laying on.  
  
I turned my body around so that I was looking down into his eyes. Silently, I brought my lips down to his own. The familiar feel of his kiss calmed my raging mind. There was nothing there except for his big, made-to-kiss lips, his soft, probing tongue, the slight five o'clock shadow on his face feeling scratchy against the soft skin of my cheek, his hands in my hair... For a moment, everything was right again. He pulled his lips away from our passionate kiss to speak.  
  
"Are you okay, Scully?" he asked.

"Yeah. Fine," I said, kissing him again. I wasn't fine, but it didn't matter. I needed him now.

He pulled back and said, "Please don't hide anything from me. Not now."

"I'm upset about our…situation, but that doesn't matter now. We're here together now. I love you, Mulder."

"I love you too," he responded.  
  
That was what I needed for the time being. All I wanted was to kiss him, to hold him, to be with him. We rose from the couch silently and proceeded to the bedroom. He ravished me, making me feel good. That was what I needed. I was hating myself, blaming myself for what happened. I needed to feel okay again. To feel loved, needed, wanted...happy. That was what he did for me.  
  
I never realized how deeply our work would affect everything else.  


We reported to Skinner the next morning. He seemed just as upset as Mulder and I. Both of us knew it was really out of his hands, but it was easy to see that he still felt guilty. He agreed to transfer me to the academy at Quantico, effective immediately. My first day there would be in the morning. Agent Mulder would remain on the X-Files and receive a new partner by next week.  
  
"Agent Scully," Skinner added, "you may no longer be any part of the X-Files. This means no autopsies or paperwork for Agent Mulder. You will do only what is assigned to you at Quantico. This means not accompanying Mulder on any trips that may have to do with an X-File. Whatever you do on your own time is fine, but Agent Scully must have *nothing* to do with the X-Files, or it is likely they will be taken away from you, Agent Mulder."  


I nodded and said, "I understand." I did understand, but I didn't want to accept it.  


"Okay, Agents, you can go."  
  
I walked out, smiling nostalgically a bit. No more reports to Skinner. No more reports. No more field work. Just teaching new cadets, and some "slicing and dicing." Quantico. Back to fucking Quantico. Sure, it had satisfied me *then,* but that was before. Before the X-Files, before Mulder. Before I knew how passionate the job could get. I sighed out loud, thinking that at least they couldn't take Mulder away from me now.  
  
I grabbed his hand as we walked towards the elevator. I may have been going out, but I was going out swinging.  


Life went on, and I had to live it.


	3. Chapter Three

I wrote my name on the board, Dr. Dana Scully. I looked back at the young FBI cadets in the large lecture hall, imagining the days that I sat there. The days I spent wondering about right choices and where I belonged. The days before Mulder and I met, before I'd ever even heard of the X-Files. I had heard of him, though, Spooky Mulder. Then again, who hadn't? It was the first bit of gossip you heard at the academy. The second you joined the FBI, you knew about Spooky Mulder who searched for aliens in a dusty basement office.  
  
"Good morning, my name is Doctor Dana Scully. I am a Special Agent, and I have spent several years in the field. I'm a medical doctor and a scientist--"

"You're Mrs. Spooky!" someone called out.

I ignored and continued, "I've seen a lot in my work, but I always try to back it up with hard science. That's what this course is about--science. Forensics, pathology--the art of recreating events from the evidence at a crime scene, or the body left behind. This enables us to find killers, rapists, and any other assorted type of criminals--"

"What about UFOs?" 

I cleared my throat and said, "This is not a question and answer session concerning the X-Files. Now, you *will* show me the proper respect that I deserve, or none of you will make it out of this academy."

  
The threat seemed to work, and I continue to teach the class. They were just beginning pathology, but had been in the academy long enough to have heard all of the rumors. Sometimes it felt like high school to me, the way word spread so quickly. The rumors I'd heard as a student here about Mulder were bad enough, and now I was thrown into the mix. I'm sure people had been regaled with stories of our supposed romance (which I'm sure they "supposed" long before it existed) and of our probes into the unknown. I was also pretty certain that they had heard the latest water cooler gossip. Once word got out that we were split up, people naturally assumed it was for fraternization. My thoughts were confirmed at the end of the class.  
  
"See you all tomorrow," I called out as they left. As the cadets walked out, I heard something interesting.  


"Nah, man, she and Spooky got split up for screwing around. Apparently they've been doin' it for years and it finally caught up to them," one student said.  


"Dude, like you wouldn't break the fraternization rule with her? Seriously, down in that basement office? I heard they only got caught 'cause the janitor heard them going at it on the desk," at that point they were out the door.  
  
Now, that was *not* true at all. The janitor heard us? In the office? On the desk? It may have been tough, but we managed to wait until we got home. And did he say dude? Dude?! Was that the future of the FBI? Dude.  
  
I sighed, glad that the day was over. I hated not being with Mulder. I hated that he'd be doing *our* work without me--and even worse, with someone else. His partner would join him tomorrow. I didn't know anything about him or her, I wasn't allowed to pry into that anymore. All I could do was hope that it was an ugly man. Honestly, I didn't need jealousy to deal with on top of all this other stuff.  
  
Driving home, I glanced down at my watch to see that it was past five. Mulder was most likely home, and if he wasn't, he would be soon. I changed my direction and began to head to his apartment. As pathetic as it may have seemed, I missed him. I wasn't used to not working with him. Even on days when we were split up on cases, I always had that sense of calm knowing that within a day or so, we'd be side by side in the field or the office again. Now, I felt this emptiness...sure, we'd be together at home, but we could never work together again.  
  
I walked into his building and went for the elevator. I impatiently sighed as I rode by myself, and smiled when I heard the familiar "ding" that signaled the opening of the elevator doors. I walked out and down the hallway to knock on a door I'd knocked on millions of times. Number 42, full of memories...so many of them were about cases, things I couldn't even hear about anymore. The door opened, breaking my thoughts, and I saw Mulder standing there.  
  
"Hey, Scully, come in," he said.

I smiled at him and walked inside the apartment. He took my coat and I walked into his kitchen.

"Have any wine, Mulder?" I asked.

"Need a drink already, Scully? One day without me was that tough?" he joked.

"Not as tough as it was boring," I sighed, finding the wine myself. "Want a glass?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied.  
  
I poured two glasses of wine and walked into the living room, finding him sitting on the couch. I handed him his glass and sat beside him. I scooted over, closer to him. I just wanted to lay against him for a while. The finality of our situation was finally setting in. I couldn't know about the X-Files anymore. So much of my life was already invested into it: the loss of Melissa, my infertility, my abduction, my cancer...would I just have to forget about those loose ends waiting to be tied?  


"So how was Quantico?" he asked.

"Well, you and I are the talk of the town, Mulder. Rumor has it we got split up because the janitor overheard us going at it in the office," I smiled.

"That would've been a lot more fun than the way it actually happened," he sighed.

"Yeah, but if I get one more Mrs. Spooky comment I'm going to snap," I said.

He kissed my forehead tenderly and said, "Well, my day wasn't great either. Spent the day preparing a case to start on tomorrow with my new partner."

"What kind of case?" I asked.

"Mm, Agent Scully, we're not supposed to discuss those matters," he said, taking a sip of his wine.

"Yeah, but since when do we follow the rules?" I asked.

"Nothing big, a UFO case, that's all."

"Where will you be going?" I asked.

"Montana."

"Montana? All the way to Montana? With this new partner?" I sighed, sounding terribly whiney.

"I know, I'll try to be home as quickly as possible."

"I didn't realize how much this would affect us, Mulder. You're going to be gone on cases, and I'm going to be home all by myself..."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," he said.

"Or the heart grow more paranoid," I deadpanned.

"C'mon, Scully, what have we got to be paranoid about? We both know that we love each other, so we won't stray no matter how long we have to wait," he began. I couldn't argue with that. "And," he continued, "we're both perfectly capable FBI agents, so we don't have to worry about our safety..."

"Well, Mulder, I *have* had to pull you out of quite a few bad situations," I teased.

"Mm, and vice versa, Scully. Trust me, I know *all* about paranoia. But where you and I are concerned, there's no need for it," he said. "I'm leaving on the flight tomorrow night, it's a redeye. Tell you what, you drive me to the airport and you can meet my new partner for yourself, okay?"

"'Kay," I sighed. 

"Forget about work, Scully. We're not partners anymore, you know," he said, speaking into my neck. His breath on my skin made me shiver a bit, and he place a quick kiss there before speaking again. "That means we can fraternize all we want."

"You know, fraternize doesn't even mean have sex. It means to be friendly with one another, really. Technically, it means to be like brothers, you know, fraternal," I said, not really going anywhere with my point.

"Well, we obviously aren't like brothers, Scully, that would be pretty damn gross," he smiled. "In terms of you and I, the verb fraternize is used differently."

"Oh is it?" I asked playfully.

"Yes, as in, 'Scully, I want to fraternize you until morning,'" he said.

"Think Merriam-Webster will add that to the dictionary?"

"Maybe if we put it into more common use..." he began.

"Well, if it's for educational purposes," I laughed a bit, and kissed him.  
  
I remember thinking that maybe things could be okay after all. Mulder and I wouldn't have to hide our relationship anymore; we could openly admit to being together... Of course, I'm not sure why I didn't realize that nothing in my life is simple.  
  
Nothing. 

****

Author's **Notes**: Kind of short, I know, but I'll have more up relatively soon. Thanks for the reviews… Feedback no function Jillian well without.


	4. Chapter Four

I didn't think being separated from Scully at work would affect out personal life the way it would. I knew it would hurt her to be kept from the X-Files, why wouldn't it? She had invested seven years of her life into the cause. The only problem, however, was that if she was going to get involved, I would lose the X-Files. I *couldn't* lose the X-Files. I may have found out the truth about Samantha, but there was so much else, so many other truths that I needed to uncover...   
  
I sighed to myself when I walked into the basement office that morning, preparing myself to meet my partner. I had a bad feeling that splitting up Scully and I wasn't just an FBI matter, but that the Syndicate, or the remaining members of it, had played a role in it. That was what worried me about meeting a new partner. I knew their first attempt to debunk my work with Scully had ultimately failed. Although at first she was a stubborn pain in the ass, she rather quickly saw my reasons for the search. More so she wasn't willing to lose her integrity to get promoted. 

I remember those early cases like it was yesterday. She was infuriating at first, writing her reports, careful not to sound crazy to her superiors. She was so young, this tiny redhead with pouty lips that loved to tell me I was wrong… Of course, I was no walk in the park either. I know I was arrogant, obsessive, and that I believed in just about everything. Scully, however, didn't fall into their little plan. Her agenda was her own, and nobody else's. For their second attempt, I knew they'd send in another green agent, a scientist most likely, looking to get ahead in the Bureau by any means necessary.  
  
She walked in the door and I knew she was going to be trouble. Her long legs carried her in a sure stride. I looked up from her heels to see a skirt that barely cut it concerning FBI dress regulations, a low cut blouse sporting a fairly large chest beneath, and a head of long brunette hair. She must've been about 28, looking as green as Scully did when she walked in here the first time. She had these bright green eyes that screamed ambition, a thin nose, and tanned skin that made me suspect a partially Spanish background.   
  
Now, she was attractive, but she did nothing for me. I hadn't so much as looked at another woman since I've been with Scully. She's everything I have ever wanted, and all I'll ever want in a woman. *I* wasn't the problem. It would be Scully who would be the problem. She'd feel threatened. I don't mean to sound pompous, but I know that if she had a new good looking partner who she traveled away with, I'd feel the same way.   
  
"You must be Agent Mulder," she said. 

"Yes, I am," I said, looking up from my files.

"I'm Special Agent Becky Vass. I'll be working with you from now on."

"It's nice to meet you," I said, shaking her hand. "So, have they told you about the X-Files?"

"Yes, they're cases that deal with the paranormal, correct?" she asked.

"Yes, that's right. What's your view on that, Agent Vass?"

"Well, I don't believe in it. I have a background in hard science." Oh, great.

"Have you ever been in the field before?" I asked.

"Yes, for three months with Violent Crimes," she said.

"What did you do up there to get you sent down here?" I asked, reminding myself of a day seven years earlier.

"Nothing, I don't think, but I'm fairly certain I'm here simply because of my beliefs in science. They told me that if I did my job down here, I could move up the ladder. They needed someone to be the rational one down here after your partner left," she said.

"I'm going to try and not be offended, Agent Vass," I said. 

"Well, Agent Mulder, what are we going to be working on?" she asked.

"A case out in Montana," I said, handing her the file. "Three girls have disappeared and since been found dead. No evidence of a break in, no ransom, no nothing. They just disappeared from their homes, in the middle of the day, no less. When returned, they all had a similar marking behind their right ears."

"And you think this is a case of alien abduction?"

"That's my working theory, yes. Of course, it could have been something else, but the case exhibits clear paranormal consistencies. This particular town is a UFO hotspot in Montana."

"Where were the bodies found?" she asked.

"All in the same place. The three girls were abducted within three days, one after another. They're all fourteen years old, but didn't know each other prior to this incident, which is somewhat odd considering it's such a small town. They were all found together on the shore of a nearby lake. They hadn't been submerged in the water, but were rather found at the top of the shore on the sand. They're cause of deaths has yet to be determined. I think it was due to tests, possibly chemicals..."

"Mmhm. Has a tox scan been done?" she asked.

"The results came back inconclusive. We're flying out there tonight. The job requires a lot of travel. The flight leaves at nine o'clock from Dulles."

"Tonight?" she said, in the whiniest way.

"Yes, tonight," I repeated. This was *not* going to be simple.

"Fine. Well, if that's all, I'll take the file home and look it over while I pack," she sighed.

"Sure. See you at the airport, Agent Vass. We'll meet in front of the Delta terminal."

"Yeah," she said, walking out. 

  
I sighed to myself, more of a groan, really, and ran my hand through my hair. She had an attitude about her that I just didn't like. Even her name irritated me. Becky Vass. I couldn't imagine myself yelling out to her during I case like I had with Scully. 'Vass!' just didn't seem right. I finished up what I was working on quickly, eager to get home. I had little to do, so I got out of the office quickly.  
  
I heard a knock at my door while I was packing, and walked over to let Scully in. I knew it was her, as it was drawing near the time for her to drop me off at the airport. I smiled when I saw her standing outside, and let her in. Taking her coat, I asked her about her day.  
  
"It was okay, I guess. Yours?" she asked.

"Not great. Met my new partner."

She looked at me expectantly, goading me to elaborate.

"Her name is Becky Vass. She's young, only been in the field three months, and a science geek like you. They want her to debunk my work, and she seems eager to climb the ladder in the Hoover Building," I sighed.

"Becky Vass? Dana Scully is an FBI Agent name, Becky Vass is a stripper name."

"Scully, you don't have anything to worry about."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just don't like the thought of you going away to the other side of the country with some young agent named Becky Vass, that's all."

"Well, Scully, you know I only have eyes for you. Besides, she was a bitch. Frankly, I dislike her already."

"Yeah, but I'm sure you thought I was a bitch when you first met me," she countered.

"That's not to say you weren't a bit of a bitch," he teased.

"Gee, thanks Mulder," she deadpanned back.

"Well, you were a bitch with integrity, something I think she lacks."

"That's not a good thing," she sighed.

"No, it isn't. We'll just have to stick around and see how this goes."

"Is she pretty?" Scully asked me quietly, trying her best to sound nonchalant.

"C'mon Scully, don't do this," I said, stroking her cheek with my hand. "I didn't notice. I don't care," I said, placing a kiss on her lips. "You're the only woman I look at anymore, I promise you that."

"So she is pretty, then?" she asked, a slight smile threatening her lips.

"Some men may think so, yes. I myself only go for short, gorgeous, redheads with amazingly bright eyes and a couple of freckles here and there," I said. 

"Is that so?" she asked.

"Yes," I punctuated my response with a kiss to her lips and then added, "and I only know one of them. Her name is Dana Scully and another woman will never come into my mind. I'm almost wounded that she'd think otherwise."

"It's not that I think you'd do anything, Mulder, but you forget how handsome you are sometimes. You turn women's heads, and this Vass girl is probably no different. I don't suspect you'd do a thing, but I know how women are..."

"And if she made any advances, which she won't, I'd fight them off."

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "You're right, I'm being silly."

"No, I understand. I put myself in your shoes, Scully, and I would feel the same way if you were going off to Montana with a good-looking guy. You don't have to apologize, just don't worry about it, okay?"

"Okay."

"We're gunna have to get going, Scully, I don't want to miss my flight."

"Mm, I'm going to miss you, Mulder."

"I'll miss you too, Scully, but it's just a few days."

"Yeah, I guess."

"C'mon, let's get to the airport," I said, reluctantly. Who wouldn't be reluctant to let go of Dana Scully?

"'Kay."  


* * * * * * *

We pulled up to the airport where Mulder had agreed to meet his new partner. I slowed the car, and he signaled for me to stop by saying, "There she is." I looked as I stopped the car and caught a glimpse of her.   
  
Damnit! Even *I* thought she was hot! This simply was not fair. She reminded of a younger, far prettier Diana Fowley. I scowled, noticing she was Mulder's "type." Tall brunette with a big chest. I pushed the thoughts out of my head, knowing that Mulder's type had switched to short, modest redheads. I looked to him and said, "I'll go introduce myself while you get your things." He nodded, and we got out of the car.  
  
Walking up to her, hoping a cop didn't ticket me for leaving my car for the moment, she made eye contact but offered no smile.  


"Hi," I began, trying my best to be polite, "I'm Dana Scully. I used to work on the X-Files."

"Agent Scully, I've heard a lot about you around the Hoover Building," she began. I was fairly certain this was one of those things that sounded like a compliment but wasn't necessarily meant as one. "I'm Agent Becky Vass, Agent Mulder's new partner."

"Nice to meet you," I said, extending my hand. She shook it clinically and looked to Mulder who had walked over with his bags.

"Um," I faltered at first, "I just wanted to tell you that I know he may sound crazy sometimes, but you should hear him out--some of the stuff he says makes a lot of sense."

"I'm sure it does," she replied. "We'd better be going," she said.

"I'll see you as soon as we get back, Scully," he said, closing the distance between us and ignoring Agent Vass' presence.

"Yeah," I smiled weakly.   
He placed a quick, chaste kiss on my lips. I was surprised at first, not used to the public displays of affection. Out of the corner of my eye I caught an annoyed eye roll from his new partner, but I dismissed it. He caught my surprised smile and answered it with, "There have to be *some* good consequences of our current position, huh?"  
I smiled back and said, "Good luck with the case."  
  
He squeezed my hand in his own, and then he was gone.  
  
I drove off, feeling lonely. It was stupid, I knew. I was a perfectly capable of being by myself for a few days, and I knew I could trust Mulder around another woman. I got home and lounged around a bit before going to bed. I tossed and turned all night. Mulder and I often slept apart on weeknights, but he was never too far away. I quite frankly didn't like to be alone anymore. I also didn't like not knowing what was going on with the X-Files, but I had no control over that anymore.  
  
It seemed like I was losing control over an awful lot of things lately. Mulder's whereabouts, my job, who he spends time with, my knowledge of the X-Files... These were things I desperately wanted a say in, but couldn't make choices about. Here I was, a grown woman, sitting home alone feeling like there was nothing for me to hold onto anymore. Everything could be taken away from me at an instant, and it's beyond my control.  
  
I didn't like my current situation, but what other choice did I have? I may have lost the X-Files, but Mulder did not. He would be able to carry on our work without me. No matter how much that really hurt me, no matter insignificant it made me feel, it seemed to be true. He was off on a case and I was at home, trying to sleep, knowing I'd have to be at Quantico the next morning. At least they hadn't been able to take Mulder away. We weren't truly split apart.   
  
We were still lovers. Life when he was with me was like perfection. I wished I could live in those moments: wrapped in his arms. I often wondered how I lived without those moments in the first place. Slowly but surely, I always fell out of the moments to face reality. I always had to leave our togetherness, complete perfection, behind.   
  
I never thought I'd ever consider not going back.

****

Authors **Notes**: Thanks for the reviews everyone! You guys kick butt! Sorry for the delay in a new chapter, but I've been busy. Hope you liked it!


	5. Chapter Five

****

* * * * *

The case went as terribly as I expected it to.  
  
You see, there were two kinds of people who don't readily believe in my theories: skeptical scientists, and closed-minded bitches. Now, I don't think it's necessary to give an example of each, but I will. Scully is a skeptical scientist; she questions everything, which although frustrating is respectable. Questioning everything is her way of proving its validity, something which makes her less vulnerable to lies than I am. When adequate proof is given to her, however, she *will* believe.  
  
Then, there is the latter type of non-believer: the closed-minded bitch. Prime example: Becky Vass. She was torturous on this case. You can show her everything, all the evidence she needs, and she simply denies your theory. She lacks the integrity of the skeptical scientist: she will believe what they pay her to believe. Not only that, but she will treat you like some kind of idiot, a fool off the street, for believing the things you do.  
  
My favorite encounter with Vass was the following:  


"Agent Mulder, that is utterly laughable. UFOs do not exist."

"But surely you saw what I did, Agent Vass. You heard the same testimony, saw the same lack of evidence of a break in...saw the girls returned to the same place together, how do you explain that?"

"A cult. They meticulously broke in to avoid us finding them. When religion is involved, people are desperate, they want to do what they think is right, and they will do anything and everything to do that. Therefore, they left behind nothing."

"There is no evidence of that!"

"And there is of little green men?"

"Look at the chemicals that killed them! They're unidentifiable!" 

"Anyone could have made them in a lab."

"You're ignoring everything we found--"

"Agent Mulder, UFOs do not exist. Cults do. That is what they will believe, and that's what's going into my field report. There is no such thing as aliens. Maybe you ought to have your head examined. Seriously, what makes you believe in that crap? It makes you sound like an idiot, honestly."

"What makes you believe that you have any right to be so disrespectful when you speak to me? Not only am I your partner, but I've been doing this *way* longer than you have. You have every right to disagree with me, but none to insult me."

"What, you're old partner never insulted you? Or were you too busy with other things to notice?"

"Who do you think you are? You're a green agent who just walks in here and begins telling me how to work and then insults me? Scully and I may not have always agreed but we respected one another. Agent Vass, I'd love to respect you, but it's a two way street. Give a little, get a little."

"'Night, Spooky," she said, walking away and heading for her hotel room.  
  
The woman made me furious, but not in the way Scully used to. Scully made me want to prove it to her, to make her believe. Becky Vass made me want to stab somebody. Honestly, she was so damn annoying. I knew she'd never agree with me, never believe. No matter how much evidence was there, she would find a way to try and make me look wrong. The case could scream UFO and she'd find a way around it.   
  
They may have let me keep my job, but they made it a living hell.  
  
So, I was thrilled to get home to Scully. I was angry with the rest of the world, frustrated, and upset. I needed the one person who was able to take all of that away. She was my constant, my touchstone; she did that for me in a world of dreams and in the crueler real world. When everything was wrong, I knew she would always be right.  
  
I arrived at the airport while she was still working. The flight was uneventful, as Agent Vass was the last person on the planet I wanted to have eventful conversation with. Instead of waiting for Scully to finish work, I took a cab to her place. I let myself in with my key and shed my jacket.  
  
I glanced at my watch, noting it would be an hour or so until she got home. I briefly entertained the thought of cooking her a dinner, but when I found nothing that I knew how to cook in her house, that idea vanished. I wasn't a terrible cook, but my skills were limited to things like simple pastas and steaks. Scully really had to do some food shopping, but I figured she hadn't felt the need to. She's a small woman and eats a lot of health food crap, which was in abundance at her place. I found the majority of it (like those non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicle things in her freezer) barely edible.  
  
Instead, I called up a local Italian place and ordered two chicken parmesan dinners with spaghetti for us. I just wanted a nice evening, something slightly romantic for the two of us. We didn't share that often and I knew that at a time like this, our relationship as lovers was vitally important. It seemed to be all we had left. Work was falling apart, and I needed her to be my shelter from that. I wondered if she felt the same way. As good as I was at getting into peoples heads, I never really could get into hers.  
  
I set the table and searched for some candles. I knew things were a mess in our lives, and I wanted her to be happy. It was more than that, though, it was selfish: *I* wanted to be happy. I wanted, just for a moment, to forget the X-Files, Agent Vass, smoking men and consortiums. I wanted to be lost in her, in a place that I would never ever want to be found from.  
  
She walked in about five minutes after the food had been delivered. It was sitting, still wrapped to stay warm, in the kitchen. I didn't emerge from the kitchen right away, but waited and let her walk into the apartment. I know what she must be thinking. She was probably wondering when I'd come home, when she'd have time to do her paperwork, why life was so unfair...  
  
"Hello?" she called out. "Mulder?"

I said nothing but slowly walked out of the kitchen and towards her. She saw me all of a sudden and sucked in her breath a bit.

"Miss me?" I asked.

"Mulder, what's all this? Dimmed lights, candles, and, do I smell Italian?"

"You do. Thank the good folks at Angelo's, as I cannot figure out how to throw together anything worth sitting on your plate," I smiled.

"Mulder, you didn't have to go through the trouble.."

"Shh," I quieted her, and closed the distance between us with a kiss.

"I missed you," she said.

"Missed you too."

"I didn't know you'd be getting back today."

"Me either."

"How was the case?" she asked.

"Terrible, but it doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about that now." I kissed her again, this time longer. I pulled away to add, "Come on, the food'll get cold."

  
We enjoyed a lovely dinner and took comfort in one another's presence. When we were together like this, everything was okay. It didn't matter that we didn't work together anymore because we still lived our lives together. We still ate dinner together and kissed together and woke up in one another's arms together.   
  
Moment like the ones we shared later that evening, my arms around her small frame, pulling her sleeping body closer to me through the night made me happy. Feeling her body against my own assuaged all of my worries and fears. It told me that *something* was right in the world. I knew that due to our lack of being together the rest of the time, moments like this would become all we had to hold on to.   
  
The weeks progressed in a similar fashion. Agent Vass would effectively make me look like a fool to AD Skinner with her reports, and I would come home and let it all go. I'd tell Scully about it and she would be there for me. Sometimes we just held each other and talked for so long... It was so mushy. If the story were about any other two people on earth I would have wanted to vomit--but it was Scully and I. Nauseatingly mushy was okay, because everything else was stark in contrast.   
  
She would come home from work bored and unsatisfied with her job. I would come home angry and annoyed with my new partner. We would talk it out, let go of all of our anger and hatred and frustration. Once it was gone, there was nothing but one another. We reveled in that, spending each and every night together in one of our bedrooms. Things had changed. We spent more time together outside of work than we used to, because outside of work was all we had.   
  
It may sound like things were better, but they weren't. Yes, Scully and I used to spend less nights together, but the nights we shared were happier. We had exchanged the good humor and satisfaction of our work--the knowledge that we had helped someone, that we were doing the right thing, and the occasional fun adventure we shared--for nightly sex to make up for all of our other losses. What kind of trade was that? Don't get me wrong, I love Scully and sex is great, but I missed good, clean fun. I never thought working together on the X-Files was all that fun, but the fun in our relationship left with our partnership.  
  
About two and a half months into my partnership with Agent Vass, I found a lead that would change everything. An anonymous informant gave me information concerning the conspiracy. He said that it lived on, in a new location.  
  
Skinner was less than enthusiastic about letting me go on the case. He insisted that I didn't trespass anywhere or break any laws or mess around with the military. I knew that he knew Vass was against me, against the cause. I knew that he wasn't the bad guy, but was rather trying to avoid a run-in for both of us with Kersh. Kersh was steadily moving up to Deputy Director, and had rising influence over the other ADs. His position at the right hand of the Director insured him that.   
  
Apparently the surviving members of the consortium had relocated to an industrial area in Pennsylvania. They were operating out of a factory building, where tests continued to be done. According to my source, everything was there: information on abductees, women's ova, genetically altered human beings, maybe even hybrids. What piqued my interest most was the ova. The informant said that they had created more children with it, trying to engineer them the way they wanted.   
  
I knew it could be another Emily situation. I knew that there could be information on her cancer, on the chip in her neck, on her infertility, on what really happened when she was abducted. Hell, I knew there could be a child born of her ova there... I knew that Scully would want to go. That was why I had to keep it from her. If she went, Vass would rat me out. I would lose the X-Files.  
  
I couldn't bear the thought of losing the X-Files. Even though it was harder work now, I was still able to fight for the cause. I was still able to try and expose it to everyone else who would listen. I would be able to go down to Pennsylvania without Scully having to know and wanting to join me. She couldn't join me. I couldn't let us ruin our chance of getting the proof that could change everything. I couldn't let her ruin it by joining me. I couldn't lose the chance to know if the conspiracy still lived on. I couldn't lose my chance of being the one to expose it...  
  
I should have known that she wouldn't let me go unasked... I should have known that she was smart enough and dedicated enough to figure out what was going on. I should have known was how it would affect her...  
  
How it would affect *us*. 

****

Notes: Bum bum bum. Thanks for sticking around and reading everyone! And thanks for the kind reviews… I'd love some more! Umm, I'd like to take a quick minute to thank Agent Balinski once again for listening to me complain about my jerk boyfriend and for talking me out of stupid ideas. If it weren't for you I'd probably be dead in a ditch somewhere anyway. ;-)


	6. Chapter Six

* * * * * 

He had been acting strangely all week. He spoke little about work and conducted conversation in an unusually furtive manner. I was paranoid, feeling like I was playing his role for the first time in a while. I was losing control of life and now he was hiding things from me? No. No, I would *not* let him do that. I had no proof that my suspicions were correct, but sometimes you can just feel things like that and know it.  
  
"I'm going out to Pennsylvania with Agent Vass on a case," he said plainly.

"What type of case?" I had asked. We were lounging on the couch together at the time.

"It's nothing, really," he replied.

"Since when is any X-File nothing?" I asked him.

"We're not supposed to talk about this, Scully. The apartment could be bugged."

"You very well know that it isn't. The Gunmen have checked four or five times in the past few months, and rather recently. Why don't you want to tell me what's going on?"

"I can't lose the X-Files," he said simply.

"So what makes this case so different than the last few? Why can't you tell me about it?"

"I just can't," he offered.

"You've been secretive all week, Mulder, and I want to know why. I thought you and I could trust one another with everything! What are you holding back from me?"

"Don't make this about trust, Scully," he said, his tone having a warning way about it.

"It *is* about trust, Mulder. You trust your new partner enough to tell her what's going on, but I'm left out of the loop?"

"If you know what's going on, it will risk everything!"

"Why? It didn't risk anything before!" I said, hearing my voice raise.

"This time you'll want to be there, Scully, and you can't be!" he stopped suddenly, realizing he had blurted out to much.

I would want to be there? Did this have to do with me?  


"Tell me what's going on. Now."

"Nothing--"

"We both know you've said too much, Mulder, and now you've got to say it all. Don't lie to me, I just want the truth. Tell me where you're going. Tell me what you're looking for."

"The remaining projects of the Syndicate. Several members survived...and they seem to be operating several projects..."

"What kind of projects?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but there are things like genetic engineering and use of the ova of women who were--"

"Mulder, you were going to keep this from me? There's data on my abduction, isn't there? They could have my eggs...they could have created a child...it could be Emily all over again. You were going to hide this from me?" I demanded, furious. Thoughts ran rampant through my mind; cancer, infertility, Emily, ova, Mulder, trust, betrayal, pain, love, hate, answers, questions, truths, lies...

"I can't get caught with you on a case, Scully, they'll take the X-files away from me. Kersh doesn't want me on this case as it is, which is making Skinner suggest I don't go...they're already going to be watching me closely."

"And what about Agent Vass? You mess up once, in the slightest way, and she'll rat you out first chance she gets."

"She says she won't, Scully, not if I do as Skinner asked."

"And you trust her?" I asked, feeling tears prick my eyes. No, damnit, I would not cry.

"I've got a better shot at keeping the files going with her than with you."

"And that's more important than me knowing the answers to these questions? Mulder, I've sacrificed a lot for the X-Files, and it was for a reason. To find the truth. Now, I have a chance to do that, and to possibly get back some of the things I lost. How can you deny me the right to find out what happened to me?" I asked.

"Scully, look, I'll be back to tell you--"

"And what if you get there and find out she's already ratted you out to Kersh?"

"And what if I bring you and she rats me out for that?" he countered quickly.

"Mulder--I HAVE to find out. I HAVE to know--God, it could be Emily all over again," I repeated.

"I CAN'T lose the X-files, Scully. I can't."

"Mulder, you have to understand. I NEED to go." I said, my voice firm.

"You CAN'T."

Did he just tell me I couldn't do something?  


"I CAN'T? Why is that your choice to make? Mulder, I never thought I'd ask you to compromise the safety of the X-files for my own personal reasons but--"

"I can't. I can't do that for you, Scully, I'm sorry."

"So the X-files are more important to you than I am? You'd rather go without me and hurt me the way you're doing now? Then make me lose my chance to know my truths?"

"I can't lose the X-files. They're my life."

"Well then, I guess there's no more room for me," I said, the words coming out of my mouth quickly. Even as I realized I had said them, I would never take them back. I meant it. Who did he think he was? He couldn't do this to me, I wouldn't let him. The tears pooled in my eyes but I steeled myself, not letting them dare to fall.  


"Scully, I--"

"Goodbye, Mulder."

"Scully, please, I,"  
It was too late, I was already heading out the door.  


I managed to drive home without dissolving into sobs. Once I reached the privacy of my apartment, however, I did just that. I loved this man, in a way I'd never loved anyone else, and he did this to me. How could he? How could he think that he could keep me from finding out my own past, the things they had taken away from me? What right did he have to keep me from the possibility of finding records of what they had done to me, my ova, even a child that could be mine...   
  
The X-Files were his life, so what did that say about me? I was the woman he promised to love, I was good enough to be there for him, to take away all of his damn self-deprecating pain, but I wasn't enough to him? He could sleep with me just about every night, but I wasn't important enough to risk the X-Files for. Not to him. A long time ago I would have accepted that, but not anymore. Not when I need the answers that lie wherever the hell in Pennsylvania he was going. Not when he was my lover and he promised me that what was REALLY important was us being together...that *I* was important...but now, now when faced with a choice: The X-Files, or me, he chose the X-Files.  
  
I am not a consolation prize, I am nobody's second choice. Not even Mulder's. After everything we've been through, I would have thought that I was a little more important than the way I had been treated. How could he honestly say that he'd rather hurt me than risk the X-Files? It's not like he was still looking for Samantha--he found his answers. The only truths left to find were the ones concerning what they did to ME. ME! How could *I* be left out of that?   
  
Not only was I hurt concerning his choice, but I was hurt because I had walked out. Could things between us be over? Would I never wake up in his arms again? That was what struck me when I reached my empty apartment. How could I survive without feeling his lips against my own?   
  
How could I feel his lips against my own when I was only his second choice?  
  
It was an obvious situation. I couldn't live with him knowing that he would keep me out of a project that was essentially about me--out of some fear of losing his job, something more important to him than I was. We shared something special, something I'd never even dreamed of, and that should have taken priority over this. It wasn't like I asked him to stay behind; I asked him to give me the answers to what happened to ME. That was only fair and he had decided not to allow it.  
  
No matter how much rationalizing I did, it wouldn't take away the pain. I was his second best, behind his work. How could I have thought otherwise? Those damn files always were his life. I had thought that his closure concerning his sister would have changed things. The only face he could attach to his quest was mine now, but the quest was more important to him than the person whose name it was in. How could I have been so foolish to believe he could actually love me enough to put me before "his work?" His work. It wasn't mine anymore.  
  
He wasn't mine anymore.

****

Authors **Notes**: I honestly didn't mean to end every chapter with an enigmatic one-liner. I didn't even write this in chapters! It just happened! Odd, huh?

To address a review Teresa left a while ago, Vass is pronounced like pass with a V. It's actually my mothers maiden name, which she insists was shortened from Vasquez, since she's about 20% Cuban on her dad's side. You never know with my mom, though, she's nuts. Sorry for the delay in this chapter, but going back to school is a bitch lol…


	7. Chapter Seven

No. This was exactly what I was afraid would happen. She left. She left! SHE FUCKING LEFT! She walked out on me. She's gone. Scully is gone. She left me. I can't stop thinking about it because it doesn't seem real. It was never a possibility in my mind. How could she do this to me?

  
How could I do this to her?  
  
I had basically told her my work was more important than she was. Being a psychologist, why didn't I realize that would hurt her? Here she was, the woman I promised to love, who I *did* and *do* love, but I won't let her seek her own truths. I won't let her follow the path she NEEDS to follow for my own selfish reasons.   
  
Why didn't I relate to this? I've had the need that she has. It was answered when I found out the truth about Samantha, but hers has yet to be resolved. She still doesn't know who took her, or why, or exactly what they did. She doesn't know if there are any ova of hers somewhere (besides the vial I've kept away from her...) or if there's another child that belongs to her... She just wanted the answers that life has owed her.   
  
I screwed up on a new level this time. Not only did I tell her she couldn't accompany me (anyone who knows Scully knows she doesn't like to be to told what do to), but I said that the reason for that was she'd ruin the most important thing to me--my work. I couldn't have been more wrong. A long time ago, that may have been true, but not anymore. SHE was the most important thing now.  
  
I picked up my phone and dialed her number. It rang, but she didn't pick up.  


"You've reached Dana Scully, leave your name and number and I'll return your call," her calm, assured voice told me.  


"Scully, pick up if you're home, please, pick up," I said. My request went unanswered. "I'm sorry. I… I love you." With that, I hung up.  
  
I called her cell phone, but got that annoying voice saying, "The cellular customer you are trying to reach..."  
  
I paced back and forth, not knowing what to do with myself. I called her house again.  


"Look, Scully, I'm pretty sure you're home, and, um, I just want you to know that I didn't mean what I said before, and I'm sorry, and that I love you. Please call me, Dana," I finished, her first name slipping out.   
  
I would have gone to talk to her, but it would have upset her more. I just sat, alone, hating myself, wondering how I could have done this to her. I didn't *want* to see her--I knew what to expect. She wouldn't let me in. She'd just tell me to leave, that she had nothing to say and it'd all be too final... I can't let this happen.  
  
I CAN'T lose her.  


* * * * * * *

  
  
I lay in bed later that night thinking silently. I hadn't answered any of his calls, and the machine had recorded about five messages. He finally quit calling around ten, with a final note of, "Don't do this to me, Dana. Don't leave me. I love you... I, I need you."  
  
*Now* he needed me. The X-Files weren't there to cook him dinner. The X-Files weren't there to hold him. The X-Files weren't there to talk with, or to listen to his problems, or to make him laugh, or to laugh at him... The X-Files weren't there to make love to him or to wake up next to him in the morning, wrapped in his arms. The X-Files couldn't love and need him back the way I did. The way I could still.  
  
I would have gone to Pennsylvania, not for him, for myself...but I didn't know where he was going. I wanted these answers, and I had no access to them. It wasn't fair that he wouldn't let me go. Let me? He doesn't tell me what I can and cannot do…  
  
He'd be off to Pennsylvania with Becky Vass in the morning. Why didn't he see how quickly she'd betray him? He'd rather go off with the Smoking Man's spy than with me? Either way he's running the risk of fucking up and losing his precious X-Files. Would he approach her romantically, since he didn't have me now? Would he go to her for a one night stand to relieve the tension he would build up without me? Was I just there to relieve the tension of his work?  
  
Now that he didn't have me to curl up next to at night, would he think she was prettier than I am? Would he admire her bigger chest, curvier hips, long brunette hair, tall frame and long, slim legs? Would he want her? Was the modest, short redhead now a thing of the past for him? Was she *always* just in the shadow of the X-Files in his heart? The convenient lover who would chase shadows with him, who he presumed would never demand more than being second to his work?  
  
And, when she demanded more, would he eventually push her out of his heart? So that she was no longer even in the shadow of his work but gone all together?  
  
I sighed out loud. I was being irrational, not to mention melodramatic. Part of me said Mulder found Vass repulsive. She was a spy, and he knew it. I tried to tell myself that maybe he'd change. Maybe he'd realize that he had to give me the respect and love I deserved in order to receive it from me. He couldn't take everything I gave him, and then give nothing in return. It didn't work like that. It couldn't anymore. It wasn't fair to me, and I couldn't stay with him if that was the case. I was strong enough to walk away from him.  
  
"The X-Files are my life," his words echoed in my ears. I couldn't accompany him because it'd make him lose the X-Files. His life. More important than my feelings or my truths or my love... No, his life was the X-Files.   
  
It wasn't so much that he was ignoring my feelings, it was that he was telling me I wasn't allowed to find my own answers. Not only did he imply that my feelings were second to the work, but that my *life*--what was in those files--was second to the work. The things I gave up for him, for HIS work...he wouldn't let me go after them. He wouldn't let me try to find the answers and it wasn't fair. I wouldn't sit idly and let him do this. I wasn't going to let him hurt me.  
  
Still, I fell asleep wishing he'd change his mind about what his life was.  


* * * * * *  
  


I cannot stand Agent Vass. If she wasn't a female, I'd have hit her in the face by the time we reached Pennsylvania. All she did the entire car ride was complain and nag me about how "stupid" this lead was. "You have no idea who that was on the phone. This could just turn out to be a dead end. If you break one of the rules Skinner laid down, don't think I won't tell him. I'm not here to protect you like Agent Scully was."  


"There's something important I need to find there," I said.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Information on Scully's abduction."

"Scully's not supposed to be involved with the X-Files anymore," she said.

"She's not, trust me. I want to know for myself. I need to know. I have to find the truth."

"Why is this so important to you, Agent Mulder? I don't get it. It makes you look nuts, and made you screw up a great career."

"It was for my sister, and now it's for Scully. I *have* to find what I'm looking for."

"Why? You did without it all these years," she said.

"Yeah, but now it's important."

She sighed, bored with the conversation.  
  
We eventually made it to the motel without me strangling her. We were in Allentown, Pennsylvania. As we pulled up, I sang "Well we're living here in Allentown, and they're closing all the factories down..." for which I received a look that said 'Grow up' from Vass. Okay, she's not a Billy Joel fan.   
  
Allentown held a lot of significance for me. We had chased a Japanese diplomat there years ago, which uncovered a large part of the conspiracy to us. Scully found the MUFON group of the women like her, with the chips in their necks. The women who removed those chips, just like she had, and who had all contracted cancer. The women who died for this cause, at the hand of the Syndicate. It made sense to me that something like this, a factory containing the information my informant had claimed, would exist in Allentown.  
  
The day was uneventful for our first on the case. We scoped out the building, and it was obviously more than just a factory. Of course, Vass disagreed with me, but there was nothing we didn't disagree on. We stayed around for a while as I tried to plan how we'd infiltrate the place in the morning.   
  
It was a large building, a warehouse that had employees going in and out. Outside, there was no name or company affiliation. It looked like it could've been an abandoned factory, not uncommon in this part of Pennsylvania; it was hit hard a few years ago and was just now bouncing back. I had asked a man in the gas station nearby what it was, casually, and he responded with a shrug and, "I've heard it's a pharmaceutical plant or somethin' along them lines."  
  
What gave the building away was it's heavy security. There was a gate in front, with several security officials outside. Using a pair of binoculars discreetly from the car, I could see that the guards were armed. Every once in a while, a man on a golf cart would pass around the perimeter of the facility. There were cameras mounted all around the building. Smartly dressed men and women entered and exited in expensive cars, telling me it clearly wasn't a factory or warehouse.   
  
I was worried that I'd been caught on camera already but I dismissed the thought, too caught up in finding the answers. If I could just find what she needed, if I brought it back to her, maybe Scully would forgive me. I would put myself completely on the line--I had absolutely nothing to lose. Nothing at all. I had been careful with my life in the past because something always held me back--Scully, Samantha... Now, I didn't have that anymore. Scully had left me.  
  
The only way I could get her back was to go out and put my life on the line, to do this for her.  
  
Things got worse before they got better. Agent Vass came into my motel room, from hers next door, to help me plan our infiltration. Now, this would've been nice, if she didn't tell me everything I planned to do was going against Skinner's orders.  
  
"We can't trespass on their property, Skinner insisted--"

"Then how else are we getting in, Vass?" I asked, angrily.

"We shouldn't get in at all! You have NO proof! You have NO warrant!"

"I don't work that way! I work on hunches and they're usually right."

"Well I work the *right* way, Agent Mulder. I follow the law," she added.

"I don't, not when it's this important."

"Think of all the things you have to lose, Mulder," she said.

"I don't have anything to lose anymore!" I said, raising my voice to her.

"Your job, Agent Mulder, and I just may see to it that you do. We're not supposed to work like this and I'm not going to protect you like Agent Scully did." 

"The woman whose truths I'm searching for won't speak to me! I HAVE to find these truths for her so she'll see why this job was so important to me. They can take the job away, but I won't stop searching until I make things right again. My life? I don't need it anymore. All the joy in it is gone. I have nothing to lose."

"Agent Mulder, I suggest you calm down," she said, appearing slightly frightened by my outburst. "I'm going to leave, but what I said remains true--I won't protect you."

  
She left and I sighed out loud. I fell back onto the bed, hard and stiff. Nothing like *Scully's* bed. I had told her the work was my life, but why didn't I realize the work was for her? She was my life now, and I was slowly beginning to realize that. I had to find this for her, so I could explain. I wanted to search because I wanted to provide her with the answers. She was the reason the X-Files were my life--it was all for her now. I wouldn't have realized that if this hadn't happened. I glanced at the clock and saw that I ought to get some rest before morning, so I changed and tried to fall asleep.  
  
Tried to dream of a happier world, where we were together.

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to update, so you get two chapters. Yay! I've had soo much to do lately--3 AP classes, and I'm the head writer for our school's fall production script. So, I finally found a spare moment for you guys! Sorry it took so long! Keep reviewing!  



	8. Chapter Eight

* * * * * * 

The phone in my office rang. It was a shrill ring, breaking the relative silence in the room. There was nothing but the sound of my fingers hitting the keys of a typewriter, in my silent, empty home. I didn't use much of my home, mostly just my office. I didn't have anyone to be with. I woke up in my bedroom, ate in the kitchen, and did paperwork in my office. Of course, not all of the typing was paperwork, but the incessant rejection letters from publication companies were discouraging my writing. I blew the cigarette smoke from my lips and reached for the telephone.  
  
"Hello," I said.

"It's Agent Vass," the voice on the other end replied.

"Ah, Agent Vass. Nice to hear from you. Where are you?"

"In Pennsylvania with Agent Mulder. Someone's tipped him off on some factory in Allentown. He's been rambling about this syndicate... Look, what have you gotten me into? You said I'd get promoted, no big deal."

"I know, and I'll keep my word. Of course, you must debunk Agent Mulder."

"That's not an easy task, Sir. He's got nothing to lose now. He lost his partnership with Agent Scully, and apparently that strained their romantic relationship, which he also seems to have lost. If he's fired, it won't make much difference, as he's said that he won't stop looking. He doesn't fear for his own life, as he's miserable without her. He feared his life before, because he knew she'd be crushed if he died… but now that they've been fighting--he thinks he's invincible."

"He's got nothing to lose when he isn't working beside her," I said, understanding my own fatal mistake.

"That's right," she replied.

"And that makes him search for answers all the more vehemently."

"It does," she agreed.

"Then I'll have to set things right. Your services have been greatly appreciated, Miss Vass."

"Look, I don't even know your name," she began.

"Nobody does," I told her simply. I was lucky I remembered it. Recently, my name had been limited to endearments like the Black Lunged Bastard, or Cancer Man.

"I'm somewhat afraid you got me into a big mess," she said.

"I clean messes up very well, Miss Vass, you can be sure of that. Don't worry, you'll get your promotion. And as for the factory Mulder has stumbled upon, it will be taken care of as well. Just go to sleep and in the morning you'll see that all has been set right with the world."

"Whatever you say," she replied.

"Don't try calling this line again, the number'll have been changed," I told her. "Nice doing business with you," I added, before setting the phone down on it's cradle.  
Ah, I had been foolish to believe separating them would end their quest. Without her, Mulder had nothing to lose. I could see him in my mind, frantically thinking his precious proof would get her back. Well, this would have to be fixed. Firstly, I couldn't have him stumbling upon this factory. Too much was at stake to be exposed now. Then, I'd have Kersh reassign a certain red-headed agent to the X-files.   
  
It always felt powerful knowing I held these lives in my hand. I had split them up, and I could put them together. Kersh would do what I told him to do. I was the master of the universe at times, and nobody would ever know. And for what? My life read like a novel, but nobody would publish it. Was I happy? It didn't matter. My choice had been made and the power was what I really wanted. I smoked my cigarette down to the filter and put it out in the ash try, beside its many fallen brothers.  
  
Tiredly I picked up the phone, on my way to setting things right with the world, once again.  


* * * * * *  


I stood before the factory with Agent Vass, my mouth hanging agape like some kind of idiot. Scratch that, we stood before the place where the factory WAS. It was burned down while I was sleeping. There was this expression that I could just read off of Vass' face... She must've been working for Cancer Man, but never have expected it to go this far. I was a profiler, for Christ's sake, I could tell her her own story. She was a green agent, and he told her he could get her moving up the ladder. All she had to was make me look like an asshole, no difficult task, really, and that was it. She never had suspected it would end in arson.  
  
"Let's go," I muttered, heading towards the car.

She said nothing, but followed me. 

Once we began driving, I broke the silence. "So what did you tell you? Did he use his, 'I don't have a name' line on you? Or did you never even bother to ask?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said.

"You're a bad liar, Agent Vass," I told her. "If it's any consolation I don't think anyone was killed in the fire. I know, you didn't know he'd do that. You don't understand how deep his power goes. He's ruined my life, Vass, and he could've done it to you. You're young and stupid, and he must've promised you something pretty good. All you had to was work with a crackpot and make him look like one, which isn't difficult when he goes around talking about UFOs and little green men. So you agreed. Who could it hurt? Only the entire world, of course. That's what this is. That's what *he* is. Whether you ever admit it to me or not, I don't care, but I *know* who you are working for. I *know* that you ruined my chance at finding the truth--HER TRUTH! Do you know all the things HE had done to her, Agent Vass?" I was finding myself angrier and angrier. "I'll tell you what they did. I'll let you know who you're fucking around with. God, they almost killed her. They took her from me, and did tests... She turned up almost dead, just the sight of her... And they had put this chip in her neck. When she took it out, she got cancer. She almost died AGAIN because of those bastards. I know you didn't know that, I know it seems enticing to believe him--I almost went to work for him when she was dying. They didn't stop there, you know. Her health turned around with another chip, and the cancer's gone into remission. That's not all, Agent Vass. She can't have children because of them. They made a child, the same kind that factory tried to produce, with her eggs, only for it to die. They let the child find her, they let her *love* her little girl, only after they'd used her as a fucking lab rat! Only when they were done with her, only when she could die. I hope he gives you what he promised you, Agent Vass, because I wouldn't want you to ruin my chance at righting all of this for nothing." My tirade over, I glanced to see her silently sitting still.   


Her eyes were wet with tears and she responded, "You're right. I didn't know. I didn't know."  
  
The rest of the ride passed in silence.


	9. Chapter Nine

****

AUTHORS NOTE: There's a lot of the "f" word in this chapter. I must've been angry when I wrote it, lol, so if "bad language" offends you, please don't complain to me about it. Remember, these people are angry!!

* * * * * *

Things were okay until he knocked on my door. Every bit of stoicism crumbled when I heard that knock. I knew it was him, who else would it be? I had just gotten home from work, and it'd been a little over two days since our fight. I was trying to adjust, trying to teach myself to live without him. I was getting along just fine, and he had to go and screw it up. He had to fucking knock on my door.  
  
I walked over and opened the door a bit, not bothering to check the peep hole. The sight of him would've been funny if it wasn't sad. He looked tired, ten years older, worn and stressed out. God, this was two days without me? I almost smiled in spite of myself... Look what two days without me did to this man? I didn't want to pity him, honestly, I didn't. The icing on the cake though, were the flowers in his hand.  
  
"Are you screwing with me, Mulder?"

"I'd like to be, but I don't think I'm getting any anytime soon," he offered with a wry grin.

It was so difficult to hate him. I had to remind myself of what he said to me, though.

"If you think showing up here, looking upset and holding a bouquet of flowers is going to make me forgive you, think again," I said, beginning to shut the door.

Him being here was too much. I had to get away, now.  


"I have a key, Scully," he reminded me.

"I have a gun, Mulder," I reminded him back.

"I'm sorry, Scully, how many times to do I have to say that?"

I cracked the door open again and hissed at him, "This is ridiculous, Mulder. You made it perfectly clear that you've got other things more important than me to worry about. We don't work together anymore and I certainly wouldn't want to steal your time away from the X-Files."

His cell phone rang. He took it out, and looked at the caller ID.  


"Who is it, Agent Vass?" I asked, hearing the jealousy drip from my voice.

"Skinner," he replied to me. "Mulder," he said, into the phone.

I watched pure elation pass quickly across his face--if I would have blinked, I may have missed it.  


"No, Sir, I don't know why or how... I know she was working for him, but I can't say I'm sure I know why he'd want Scully reassigned," another pause as Skinner spoke, and he added, "Yes, Sir, thank you, I'll let her know, okay, I'll tell her."

"What's going on?" I asked, annoyed.

"You're back on the X-Files," he said, happily. "Skinner'll be calling you soon."  


I was silent. Finally, I managed to ask, "How?" 

"Skinner said Kersh demanded it. Apparently I was more dangerous without you to keep me in check," he said. "Now you have no choice to pay attention to what I'm trying to say, I'm your partner."

"I never agreed to go back to the X-Files. After all, it's you're life, I wouldn't want to cramp it," I said angrily.

"Jesus, Dana, what do you want from me? I'm sorry, I don't know what to do!"

"I want to believe you!" I found myself screaming.

  
Suddenly the door flew open, almost hitting me. The force of his entrance sent me reeling back, and he slammed the door behind him once he was inside. The fire in his eyes was something I'd only seen a few times before, and for a moment I was almost afraid.   
  
"I love you, Dana Scully. I realized something when I went out to Pennsylvania with Vass. It wasn't for me, the X-Files. They were my life because I was searching for YOUR answers. I wanted to find them for you! I should've let you find them yourself, but I didn't, because I'm a selfish asshole and I wanted to be a fucking hero for once. The X-Files weren't my life, they were just another part of YOU. *YOU* are my life, Scully, YOU. ONLY you! I didn't know what to do without you! The factory? Without you to help me, I was going to risk my life and go in there the next morning alone, but Vass called into Cancerman and had it burned down. It's gone, everything, it was going to be my proof to you. I wanted to come back with cures and eggs and explanations and be your hero but I'm just a stupid fuck-up and you have no reason to love me. None whatsoever, but I'm selfish and I NEED you, Scully, so I'm here screaming, begging for you to realize that I was WRONG and I'm a screw-up and I need you because without you I have NOTHING left and NOTHING to live for. They can take the X-Files, all I'm searching for now is YOU."  
  
I blinked away the tears when he finished and remember to breathe.   
  
"I'm sorry," he offered quietly. Whether it was for his tirade or for everything that had happened, I wasn't sure.  
"Please, my life is falling back together, Dana, don't walk away."  
  
I crumbled then. God, he had to come back here, didn't he? He had to show up and make me realize I loved him. He had to fuck up my stoicism, my facade. He had to come and tell me I was everything and make me remember why I was with him in the first place. He had to look devastatingly sexy in black jeans and a leather jacket. He had to look frightening but passionate when he apologized, he had to get so close to losing it but gripping on just a little bit for me...  
  
And then I was holding him. I couldn't remember ever walking over and placing my arms around him. Suddenly I was just there, gripping at his back. My nails dug into his jacket, I wanted to hold him close to me and make sure he'd never leave. That was what I wanted; needed.   
  
I pulled away from him, silently. He slid his jacket off and it fell unnoticed to the floor. I realized then that tears were falling down my face, and for a moment I just wanted to hold him. Just be close to him and think and cry and sort out everything that I was feeling. So I did, we just held each other.   
  
The phone rang. I knew it would be Skinner with news of the X-Files, but I just let it ring. His voice came through on my answering machine moments later, "Agent Scully, this is AD Skinner. I've just received orders from the Deputy Director to reassign you to the X-Files. This is effective immediately. I'll have your classes at Quantico handed over to someone else. Please report to my office tomorrow morning with Agent Mulder. That'll be all."  
  
We said nothing, and it was quite some time before either of us were ready for words. Finally, I tilted my head up to his, and began to speak.   
  
"I hated you, Mulder, I hated you for saying what you did. Do you have any idea how hard to hate you it was?" I felt a tiny smile tug at my lips. "And all I could think of was how you'd hurt me, and that I couldn't be with you anymore because it wouldn't be fair to me... Just the thought of being with someone who thought I was some kind of consolation prize, I couldn't do it. Now, you show up here, telling me that you love me and you were wrong and I don't know what to do or feel or believe... And now I can have the X-Files back and everything could be right again, Mulder, but I don't know if I can let them be right again."

  
"Scully, please. I can't say anything more than that I'm sorry. I hate myself knowing that I hurt you like this. I fucked up, but please don't let that ruin what we had. We could have *everything* again, Scully. We could have each other and the X-Files. It's not some kind of contest between you and my job, Scully. Even if it was, I've learned that you'd win. Every time. I *know* that you want to be on the X-Files. Not for me, but for yourself. I know that you want to find the answers, and I promise that I'll try never to hurt you again. I'll try, I can't guarantee I won't, but I'll try. I never wanted to hurt you, Scully."  
  
I was embarrassed to realize that I was crying again. He said, "Sit down, Scully, relax, it's okay now. It's over now." I sat with him on the couch, letting the tears continue to fall. With shaky breaths I managed to speak to him.  
"I love you, Mulder, I do, and you made me hate you and I don't want to anymore. I don't want to fight with you and I don't want you to hurt me ever again and I want to trust that you won't. That's all I want. I want what we used to have. I want to yell at you for making me do all the expense accounts. I want you to drag me to some god-forsaken town to chase UFOs. I want all of that back and I want us to be okay."  
He just held me and said, "We are okay. It's okay now. We don't have to fight anymore. I'm not going to hurt you anymore, Scully. You can believe me, I love you, I need you back. We're okay now. It's all over."  
  
And it was. We spent the rest of the night laying in silence, and the last thing I remember is the feel of his arms around me before I fell asleep.  


* * * * *

I looked down at her sleeping on my chest with a smile. We'd be okay. I was afraid for a while that she'd never forgive me... She had no good reason to, really. I hurt her, and I hated that. Watching Scully break down like that, listening to her tell me what I'd done to her and how I'd made her feel... That was one of the hardest things I'd ever have to watch.   
  
Knowing that *I* made this strong, stoic woman crumble, I hated it. I hated that I made her cry like that, that I'd made her hate me. I had fucked up and brought all of this on myself, but I wasn't the one who had to pay for my foolish words. She did. Would she always have to wonder if I'd hurt her again? Would my words stay with her forever, would she always have to worry that she wasn't important to me? This wouldn't go away over night, I knew. She'd wake up in the morning and we'd be together, yes, but her doubts in me would linger.   
  
I sighed and slid out from underneath her small frame on the couch. I scooped her up in my arms, an action I knew would annoy the hell out of her if she wasn't asleep. I carried her inside into her bedroom, and placed her gently on the bed. I debated what to do next, should I climb in beside her? She had changed into sweats when she got home from work, I guess, because she was in comfy enough clothes to sleep in. I just looked at her for a long time, taking in the sight of her before me. How could I have ever hurt her? What was I thinking? Nothing should be placed ahead of this woman; she was perfection laying before me.  
  
Her eyes fluttered a bit and she smiled at me. She stretched her limbs and pulled the covers over her body. I smiled back down at her, seeing forgiveness in her eyes. She wanted the same thing that I did; she wanted things to be like they were before.   
  
Quietly she whispered, "We survive everything they throw at us, don't we Mulder?"

"Yeah, Scully, I guess we do."

"Come to bed, Mul'er," she told me, her words tired. "It'll all be okay in the morning."  
  
I removed my jeans, and slid into bed in my boxers. Holding her close to me, we fell asleep, anxious for a better day.

****

A/N: ONE CHAPTER LEFT! Numerous apologies for my lateness, once again. School comes first, I'm afraid… I wish it didn't. ;-) Thanks for sticking around. 


	10. Chapter Ten

  


* * * * * *

We sat in Skinner's office the following morning. The mood was professional, but beneath that there was an air of happiness. I knew that Skinner was pleased to have his dynamic duo back, although he'd never really show it. He didn't show much, but beneath his hard exterior, for just a few moments, we saw relief. Things had worked out for us, for the meantime. Skinner was always a strange part of the search; we were never sure where his alliances might lay. Recently, however, and now, it appeared that he was on our side.  
  
"As for your alleged fraternization, Agents, anything outside of the office will remain there. As long as your in-office behavior remains professional, there shouldn't be any problems. That'll be all," he said, dismissing us.   


As we turned to leave, he added, "Agents, I want to apologize for what you were put through. It was never my intention, and I think that you know that. I think it's rather ridiculous that your personal lives had to be brought into this matter; I'm annoyed that something so trivial, when handled by the correct person in the correct position with the Director, could've cost us two good agents. Kersh may have had you reassigned, but it doesn't mean he'll be supporting the X-Files in any way. I've been notified by the Director to warn you about the unit's extravagant spending... With Kersh as Deputy Director, things will get worse before they get better. Tread lightly, Agents, you're lucky that you've got the X-Files."

"Thank you, Sir," I offered.

"Sir, what about Agent Vass?" Mulder asked.

"An order came down from the Director to promote her. She's currently back in Violent Crimes," he sighed. "This goes deeper than the Director, or Kersh."

"What are you implying, Sir?" I asked.

"Well, let's just say Kersh's office smells of smoke," he said.

We nodded, and the Assistant Director added, "That'll be all, Agents."

Mulder and I walked down the hallway together towards the elevator. Once inside, he smiled at me. Things were normal again, I told myself. Normal.  


"I've got this case I want to look into. It's an allegation of a bat-boy being born in this small southern town, Hope Falls. Apparently he was abandoned in a cave after his parents, who were veterinarians, accidentally created him. He bit a girl, but I think there's a conspiracy involved, trying to make him at fault for murder's actually committed by his father, the vet..." I lost him at that point in the story.  
  
Normal.  
  
I asked for this. I was dying to be back on this unit, chasing mutants and aliens and flukemen and now bat-boys. With my partner who had promised to try his best to never hurt me again; with my partner who I believed in.   
  
I didn't think I'd ever get this back. I didn't think I'd ever want this back, but here I was, thrilled.  
  
"Okay, Mulder," I replied to his bizarre tale. "But I'm warning you--I think your story is a little...science fiction. I hope I'm not sounding like Agent Vass."

"But you won't insult me beyond a playful extent, and if I show you the proof, you *will* believe. You've got integrity. There, Scully, lies the difference."

"I see," I told him.

"Besides," he said, "like I said a few weeks ago, I don't like women like Vass. You, Agent Scully, fit the profile. Short, modest redhead. Brilliant, funny, and unbelievably sexy."

I must've blushed when he said that, but as the elevator doors opened I replied with, "Hold that thought for a few hours, Agent Mulder, because the basement office awaits us and I'm afraid all workplace fraternizing if off-limits."

"That's okay, Scully, because now we have it all. We have the workplace, and we have every other moment, too."  
  
We walked into our office, and I was never so happy to be there. Yes, I thought, looking at his poster and the assorted other belongings in the office. Old memories bombard me. He's right. We can have everything: the office, the cases, the innuendo, and each other in a way we were never able to really have at the same time as our work. I knew that it wouldn't be perfect--nothing we had was--but it was as close as we'd ever get.  
  
Close to perfection was better than good enough for me. 

Author's Notes: I'm so sorry this took so long! Things have been CRAZY for me lately! I didn't know what responsibility was until this year, lol. 

This story was a lot of fun to write. I like M/S fighting and angst, so it was enjoyable to write a lot of the scenes in this fic. With this tiny dab into AU, I have decided to write a full-fledged AU fic, which is coming along very nicely if I do say so myself. I'll give you all a little synopsis: Mulder and Scully fight and end up parting ways [around season seven…] but three years later the conspiracy reunites them. There are other love interests involved, and Krycek is a bastard, and there's mytharc, and romance, and there's tons and tons of angst. TONS! And probably a happy ending.

Sticking to this fic, however… Many thanks to Tefla for beta work; to my faithful reviewers for sticking around; and of course, to Balinski, who is always there to bail me out when I'm in a jam--whether it be about my boyfriend of my AP American homework. You guys rock! 

Thanks again for sticking around till the end!


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